Monday, August 20, 2012

20 Weeks!

At twenty weeks (3 days), little Raspberry is the length of a banana and is about 10 inches from head to heal. Mmm....banana's and peanut butter...

* Belly - It's grown a bit, but mostly looks the same as last week. My uterus is up to my belly button now and is definitely pushing things up and out. I have started feeling more ligament pain around the sides and bottom of my tummy, which if I'm honest sort of freaks me out. I know it's natural, but I had confused some of my previous contractions with ligament pain before, so I am keeping alert to any changes in the type of pain. I really wish I were one of those people who didn't feel the cramping/pulling sensations from growth, just for sanity reasons. Besides that, little boy is really making his presence known. I feel him randomly throughout the day and evenings rolling around and bumping me. It's a strange and fun experience to be talking to someone and have Raz send me a surprise punch. My hubby has yet to feel a good kick as baby is not very predictable.

* Weight gain - I think I am around 4.5 lbs up. I am right on track so far to stay between 15-20lbs. I want most all my gain to be baby and baby's housing. (More on this later!)

* Symptoms - Sleeping has become a small challenge - and I say small because I know it will get worse. I have taken to cuddling with my body pillow and trying to sleep on my sides exclusively, but I often wake up on my back because my hips hurt. We have a great memory foam mattress pad, but I am still super sore in the mornings after a lot of tossing and turning. I also wake up 4-6 times a night, which isn't abnormal but causes me to never really get to a deep restful sleep. I guess I am becoming better prepared to be doing night feedings and diaper changes. My hair is still falling out and I am surprised I have any left sometimes. Progesterone really messes around with your body. It probably doesn't help that I am injecting extra on top of what my body is producing. Bras have become pretty darn uncomfortable and it's really nice to be able to go braless or use a sports bra at home. I am not someone that just walks around the house without a bra normally, my boobs need support. I need to find one that works for these next few months, but when you are a D cup size, none of the wireless really do the job.

* Cravings - frozen grapes, ice cream/froyo, and corn on the cob.

* Clothes - Mostly maternity now unless I sport one of my stretchy skirts. The long maxi skirt that I got from Old Na.vy is really comfy and is the same material as my pajama pants, so that is what I usually wear when I get the chance.

* Gender - It's a bouncing baby boy! We've seen the turtle many times now.  :)

* Meds - 17 Hydroxyprogesterone in oil, 1 ml once a week (Mondays). Also - atenolol, baby aspirin, Prevacid, and vitamins stay the same.

* Mood - Things are going mostly okay in this department. The majority of my days are good and I feel content. The evenings are hard and I spend a lot of time before bed (bad me!) fretting about Raz and sad that I couldn't do something to change the outcome of M & A's lives. At 19 weeks 6 days, I was a mess. I decided to call into work that Friday so that I could calm down a bit and find peace. Hubby and I spent the day together, went to our 20 week ultrasound and then to dinner. By Saturday I was feeling better and had restored some hope. I even bought Raz a sleeper sack and went through some of baby Michael's clothes to determine what I would keep for his brother. Since I had not gotten a ton, I figured I would keep most of it.

The trick came when I came across Alena's things. Luckily I have many gal-pals having girls currently and have been giving them a thing or two of Alena's as a way to keep her things with people we love. I am keeping two of her outfits to hang in Raspberry's closet (at least for now), but will be gradually finding new homes for the girly things we still have. It's been a long time coming, but I think I am more ready to take care of these last few things before starting in on decorating the nursery. I am reprogramming my brain to accept that this is Raspberry's room now, even though the memories of M & A are still very present.

* Appointments - My 20 week anatomy scan was Friday. Mike was able to come to this one and we really enjoyed seeing baby boy moving around. It's so neat to have a window into your belly! The u/s tech was one I had before and she is pretty fun to hang with. She is very outgoing and told us everything she was measuring and took a lot of time zeroing in on the heart. It's so amazing to see that little organ working away, pumping blood through all the chambers. At one point Raz basically folded himself in half into a yoga pose with his legs stretched over his head. It was one for the books people! Maybe I'll have an Olympic gymnast on my hands! Check it out -

According to the measurements he was about 4 days ahead of schedule and weighing around 14 oz. He is ahead of the game, which is great. I remember baby Michael being 11.3 oz at birth (at 20 weeks) and even though I know that is just fine for a twin, it is nice to know Raz is strong. My cervical measurements all look good as well as the placenta positioning, so I am still holding up. I just have to decide if I want to continue weekly appointments or scale back to every two weeks. I can't decide honestly. It would be great to save some time and money, but I am not sure if I can deliberately cancel next week's appointment. Time will tell.

They sent me home with a DVD recording of the whole ultrasound so we could show our parents. We took it over to my in-laws last night and they enjoyed seeing their grandson flipping around.

* Special moment - Being able to talk about possible time lines for the baby shower. I couldn't seem to get beyond that, but it's a step forward. We are looking at the beginning of November and it's surreal.

And let's not ignore the moment I passed into 20 weeks 1 day. I am officially the farthest I've been in a pregnancy. Yay me!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

A Day of Hope

Today, along with many other grieving parents and family members, I think of my twins.

Carly Marie's Day of Hope is just another wonderful day of tribute to those babies and children lost to us too soon. Whether you lost a child by miscarriage, preterm labor, in the NICU or just want to speak out about infertility - this is a powerful outlet.

Here is what Carly has to say...

"... August 19th is a day to break down the walls of society that keep pregnancy, infant and child loss a hush hush subject. People view the death of a baby as just a sad thing that happened. These babies that die are not sad things that happen. They are people, much loved and wanted children. They are brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, grandsons and granddaughters.

August 19th is about openly speaking about these children and celebrating their short lives.

By having this special day once a year we get people speaking about pregnancy, infant and child loss. And by doing this we break those walls down so that people are not afraid to speak about these children anymore."

You can follow the link to her blog and participate on Facebook or through your blog if you like. I did. Just head to CarlyMarie Project Heal.

M & A ~ Mommy and Daddy (& baby brother) love you very much. We remember you always.

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