Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Letting Go


The story of my Dad is a long and difficult one. One I won't go into right now as his story isn't an uplifting one. He was who he was and no one could change or help him. This is something I came to accept.

My Father passed away last night, May 7th. The same day of the year my grandfather passed on. I wonder if he was waiting to join him on that special day?


This part of my complicated past has come to a close and I am feeling emotionally drained. With losing my babies, Mike's family dog, and feeling worried about any future pregnancies, I didn't really need to add the loss of my dad.

But I knew it was coming. I had warning and knew it would take some processing to resolve my feelings for him.

I am very sad about the loss of what should have been - the dad I wanted but never had.

Mostly though, even as I cry for him, I am relieved he is done struggling with his addictions. It is a huge weight off of my shoulders knowing that he is no longer in pain. My dad needed to find peace. He needed a break from his demons.

He has that now. For this, I am grateful.

He was conscious enough the other day to speak with my aunts, grandma, and a pastor. My dad made his peace and must have felt it was time.

I will always have mixed, complicated feelings about him. I made the decision to let go of him a few years ago, but it wasn't easy. He knew I cared and that I tried, and I'm glad for that.

I wish things could have been different, but since there is nothing I can do, I will have to find peace that he is no longer suffering.

Rest in Peace, Dad.

5 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh I am so very sorry. Know that you and your family are in my prayers right now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am sorry that you have to now add the lose of a parent to your list. Please remember, and keep in mind, that this too is something that I have had to go through and am always here for a vent or chat. XoXo

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm so sorry this has been such a tough year for you, Alissa. I just want you to know that I keep up with your blog and am thinking of you. You can make it throught this. Sending my love. XOX

    ReplyDelete
  5. That is very sad, I am praying for comfort and peace for you.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...