Monday, October 11, 2010
Sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself!
I was thinking today that I need to find something(s) to keep me busy. I feel like the past 5-6 years, I haven't done much with myself and it's kind of bothering me. I have had a great time being married and keeping up friendships, but I don't feel I am accomplishing anything to be proud of.
I have my photography, but it's not enough (since I am not doing it full time) and to be honest, I just feel sorta mediocre at it. I have an eye for it, but I don't feel like I am really all that great at it.
I still write on occasion and have a rough outline for a story/book, but can't seem to produce much of a draft for it. I think too much and spend too much time critiquing what I've written to ever get very far. I know this is my own undoing, but I can't seem to just write and be happy with a rough draft for the time being. Man, I get on my own nerves sometimes!
I started a bit of Geneology a while ago too. This can be really interesting and fulfilling, but is a lot of work! You can sit at the computer for hours just trying to track down a birthdate for a relative! It gets to be exhausting after a while! I have some information but I don't want to put a bunch of money into a geneology program to keep me organized or pay a monthly/annual fee to subscribe to an online "people finding" site. This makes my search much harder.
I know I have told many of you about my annoyance with being on the computer for hours. Well all three of these hobbies include hours on the computer! After work, the last thing I feel like doing is sitting in front of the computer, so I admit that is part of the problem with accomplishing these tasks. Even blogging requires the computer! What's a girl to do?!
As far as figuring out a solution to this problem; I guess I just have to keep trying to get better at the activities I am alreay doing (maybe take some classes) or find something else to get excited about. Don't get me wrong, I love not having a lot of responsibilities and taking vacations! But, I feel like I need something to feel really good about right now; something to work towards and be proud of myself for. Maybe that means going back to school and getting another degree...or maybe it just means I need to crack down and set some short term goals for a project I am doing. Whatever the direction I head, I need to find the motivation and resolve to stick to the plan. It's too easy to just keep sliding by and "living" without having a real sense of direction.
Boy, it would sure be easier if all I wanted was to have what I have now. I would be set! But I have a lot of goals for myself and my 30's are the perfect time to figure them out and attack them head on. It would be nice to at least have a home of our own by now...yikes...I have a lot to do.